It’s been one of the biggest mysteries since Iowa’s upset over Michigan last Saturday.
Who took C.J. Beathard’s helmet, and what did they do with it before it ended up back in the Hawkeyes quarterback’s hands?
Well, Iowa blog Hawkeye Nation claimes to have tracked down the alleged helmet thief, and provided his version of the events. True or false, it makes for a pretty hilarious read.
The man, who recounted the night on the condition of remaining anonymous, said he scooped the helmet up while rushing the field “without much thought” and sneaked it out of the stadium under a jacket.
Once out of the stadium, the helmet became a photo prop and eventually made its way downtown, where Beathard said he heard a policeman spotted someone wearing it.
The alleged helmet thief said he was finally approached upon returning to his apartment. Here’s his account of what happened:
I was actually shocked that I made it all the way home with no run-ins, but about 10 feet outside my apartment door a police officer pulled his car over in front of me. He was about as nice and understanding as I could have ever hoped for. A rough transcript of the exchange is below, keeping in mind I was very much caught off guard and wasn’t at my cognitive peak:
Iowa City Police officer: “Excuse me, where did you get that helmet?”
Me: “The Iowa Store.”
Iowa City Police officer: “I’ve never heard of that. Where’d you get all those stickers?”
Me: “I put them on myself?”
Iowa City Police officer: “There’s about 10 helmets missing, and one of them is C.J.’s and that says #16.”
Me: “He’s my favorite player so I bought his stickers.”
Iowa City Police Officer: “You can either give me the helmet or I can arrest you.”
Me: “Here you go.”
That’s suspiciously close to Cedar Rapids Gazette columnist Marc Morehouse’s speculative account of events. But hey, it’s plausible, right?